NONSENSE AND TWADDLE
by Tribeca
Summary: Just what the title says. "Deleted" scene from 6.07. *complete*


**A/N: I almost didn't post this fic. In fact, the only reason I decided to go ahead and post it up was because a few of my sweet readers sent PMs asking where the hell my weekly episode fic was. Thanks for that guys. This one almost went in the recycle bin. After re-reading it, that's probably where it belongs. In order to keep the weekly fic relevant to the show, I need something to work with and to be honest, this episode left me less than inspired. **

**The writers of TBBT have reduced Penny to an alcoholic idiot and Sheldon to a silly, weakened version of his former strong and unique self. I was appalled at how Sheldon so willingly accepted Amy's rude and bossy behavior in The Habitation Configuration. I generally like Amy but her demeanor in this episode was annoying. **

**The deconstruciton of Sheldon Lee Cooper continues. That's not to say that Jim Parsons isn't still great. He is. His acting in this episode was spot on. You can't blame the actors for the subpar writing of the show. **

**For those of you who don't watch the show anymore, Sheldon used the phrase "nonsense and twaddle" in this episode. I liked it. Great line. So I thought I'd use it as the title of my weekly episode response because this fic, just like the episode (and the show itself), is a bunch of nonsense and twaddle. I weep for the Shenny. And for humanity.**

NONSENSE AND TWADDLE

"I tell you Penny, women are all nonsense and twaddle," he complained before sucking down his Long Island iced tea in less than three seconds flat.

"Nonsense and twaddle?" His vocabulary never failed to bring a smile to her face.

"Yeah, nonsense and twaddle. Look it up."

**...**

It had taken Wil Wheaton almost an hour to hose off the trail of vomit that Sheldon Cooper left across his front lawn. It would actually be pretty funny if it weren't so disgusting. Wil needed a drink and he knew just where to go. Besides, he wanted to sort some things out and he was pretty sure a certain bartender would be able to supply just the information he sought.

"So do you remember the night we met?" he asked her before slurping at the foamy head on the beer she'd just placed in front of him.

"Yeah, the bowling alley, right?" Penny answered. How could she forget? She and Leonard were in an awkward place. Leonard had told her he loved her and she'd responded with a "thank you." What else was she supposed to say? She certainly wasn't going to lie and say she loved him too. She didn't. And then, as if things weren't bad enough, Wil Wheaton had stuck his nose in their business and made things worse all because he wanted to beat Sheldon at bowling.

"Right. And do you want to know something really funny?" he looked her square in the eye.

"Sure," she responded sarcastically. Even though Wil wasn't on Sheldon's enemy list anymore didn't mean he wasn't on hers.

He grinned at her, "Well, that night it took me a minute to figure out which guy you were with. I actually thought you were with Cooper until Stuart said something about you being Leonard's girlfriend."

"Crazy," she mumbled as she wiped down the bar refusing to look him in the eye.

"And even after I found out you were with Hofstadter, I kept watching you and Sheldon together. Always talking, taking jabs at each other, and somehow managing to sit close together. You wanna know what I was thinking while I was watching the two of you?"

"I'm on the edge of my seat," she said, rolling her eyes and trying to humor him.

"I was thinking," he said, leaning across the bar to get closer to her, "why don't they fuck already?"

She raised her head to meet his gaze, all the while praying that her eyes wouldn't give her secret away.

"I wish you would leave."

Sensing he hit a nerve, he backed away, rearranging himself on the barstool.

"Hey, I purchased a beer. I'm a patron."

"Yeah? Well stop with the shit talk or I'll have that big bouncer over there throw you out on your ear."

"You don't have to warn me twice. Sorry if I'm out of line."

"Well, yeah. You are."

"So what's the deal with Yoko?"

"Who?"

"Uh, Amy. Sheldon's girlfriend. You know I met her earlier today. That's what this is about. I was trying to help him out and she's there bossing him around, trying to control him and everything he touches. If I didn't half way like the guy I wouldn't say anything. But you know what?"

"What?"

"I just think it's kind of pathetic. A great mind like Cooper is being led around by the nose like that. Let's just say he's not the same Doctor Sheldon Cooper I met at the comic book store a few years ago."

Penny sighed, knowing Wil was onto something. Sheldon wasn't the man he used to be since Amy came into his life. She had certainly changed him.

"Amy's a nice girl Wil. She's good for Sheldon."

"Yeah? Who are you trying to convince? Me or _yourself_?"

"You better stop while you're ahead Wheaton," Penny said, because it was the only thing she could think of. He was getting dangerously close to the truth.

"So why'd you get him drunk tonight?"

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Ah, simple math. I'm a smart guy. Not Sheldon Cooper smart, but smart enough. I have something he doesn't. I have the ability to factor in the human condition. An area I'm not sure he'll ever master."

"Math?"

"Yeah, Sheldon Cooper plus alcohol equals his pretty blonde neighbor."

"Hey, I didn't force him to drink. He's a grown man."

"Yeah, but he was here to talk to you about Amy wasn't he? And it broke your heart just a little bit I bet. You want him for yourself but you've never been able to say it. And, I suspect the feeling is mutual but if you wait for him to ever acknowledge it, well, pigs will be flying over Pasadena before _that_ happens."

She sucked in a deep breath and leaned across the bar towards him, "That's not true. Get the hell out of here."

He stood, tossed a twenty on the bar and said, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

**...**

Three knocks. Three times. Three perfect inflections of "Penny."

She raised her head and checked the clock. Eleven a.m. and seven seconds.

She stumbled sleepily to the door.

"Hey Sheldon," she stood to the side and motioned him in.

"I Googled Long Island Iced Tea this morning."

"Sorry Sheldon. I didn't know you were going to suck it down like Kool-Aid."

"You should have told me it was alcohol. I made a complete and utter ass of myself in front of Wil Wheaton last night. Plus I vomited on my shoes. And the bus. And Leonard's bat signal."

"Sorry," she said again, but this time more softly.

"Penny, Wil sent an odd text message to me early this morning. I was hoping you might be able to help me decipher it."

Her face burned. She wanted to strangle Wil Wheaton.

"Me? What do I know about Wil Wheaton?"

"I don't know. But he obviously knows something about you."

"What's the text say Sheldon?" she held her breath.

"It says," he fumbled around reaching to pull his phone from his pocket, "_Forget that Amy chick_," Sheldon raised his eyes and met hers, then dropped his gaze back to his phone and read the remainder of Wil's text, "_Penny is the one_."

He cautiously drew in a deep breath as he shoved the phone back into his pocket. He watched as she twisted a long strand of blonde around her fingers whilst chewing on her bottom lip, her stare fixed on the hardwood of the apartment floor.

"So I ask you Penny," he said slowly, stepping towards her, "Is there any chance that Wil Wheaton's hypothesis could be correct?"

She was surprised when she felt the warmth of his hand on her chin as he gently lifted her head up, forcing her eyes to meet his.

"Maybe," she said hesitantly because there was no way she wanted to put her heart on the line only to have Sheldon smash it to bits with his logic and reasoning.

He lowered his head, touching his forehead to hers. She noted his closed eyes and shallow breathing.

"I don't know what I'm doing here Penny," he confessed moments before she snaked her arms around his neck.

"Wil Wheaton could be right," she hedged, still unwilling to totally commit to the truth.

"But," he swallowed hard, "what about your relationship with Leonard?"

She lightly stroked the smooth skin on the back of his neck and said, "It's nonsense. Total nonsense."

"I see," he said, finally opening his eyes because her words had given him hope.

"And your relationship with Amy?"

"Twaddle. Pure, unadulterated twaddle," he heard himself admit aloud for the first time ever. He'd thought it many times, but it felt good to say it to someone. He was glad that the someone he said it to was Penny.

"Wil Wheaton is a smart fellow," Sheldon whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him.

"Not Sheldon Cooper smart, but smart, yeah," she said right before her lips met his.


End file.
